I'm not gonna delve into this one, spoilers are bad, but... they'll kick your ass. Trust me!

Cloud would be much higher on this list if he wasn't packing that enormous, pointy blade... oh, and his sword would probably immediately kill you too.

Sword pal #1 is apparently Lucina and probably Marth's dad. He looked the most menacing of the sword pals, so he's down here.

I love Meta Knight. Meta Knight is serious enough that he can actually be menacing, but he has some silly traits too. Ya just can't help but love the little shit. Oh hey, he has a sword! We can make him sword pal #1.5!

Sword pal #2 dresses in style, and she probably has some gall too, by the looks of it... just another blue-haired weirdo who loves looking cool, but not actually being interesting. Go over with Sonic. [Disclaimer: Sonic is a very good, interesting, fun character who I love with every fiber of my being. This is a joke.]

Sword pal #3 is... literally just Chrom again. Come on, guys. Give us a lovable, functioning, original character. Did... did Japan even like this? I don't know. Anyway, I probably shouldn't keep complaining. Byleth is okay! Next!

And here we are at, you guessed it, sword pal #4. Marth just seemed a little more... unnerved than the other few sword pals. It makes him seem the tiniest bit more lovable and silly. Plus, his boots look like Crash Bandicoot crates!

He has an eyepatch. He's not a pirate. I'm scared.

Fox is really just space furry Samus. He seems like he'll fuck you up, but... ya know. He'll be funny while doing it.

He's basically just Fox, but... beaks are funny. I mean, look at Donald Duck!

I have never played a Dragon Quest game in my life. I have absolutely nothing to say about this character. He just looks like he's mad at me... plus, he has the Drake and Josh Megan hairstyle... stay away, maybe?

He's strong in-game, he's strong out-of-game, he has a super angry face, he has spiky hair, he has muted, earthy tones, he probably assumes a bunch of different forms... but he also said "NOT INTO THE PIT, IT BURNS!"

He's our boy! If he can't do it, no one... will!

Jeez, why are these characters so well dressed? I know Shulk has a shirtless costume, but that still doesn't answer my question. This is ten times better.

I was kind of thinking about putting him lower, but... come on. He doesn't even have a mouth! Oh, wait, there it is

Before I rank this character, I've never played a Persona game. Anyway, he looks like he means some fucking business! But... his squeaky-voiced cartoon cat friend makes him a bit sillier. Also, my 11-year-old cousin mains this character!

She will kill me, but there's a good chance she'll look like she's breaking her neck in the process! Look at her go!

We already ranked her, didn't we? Hmm... no. No, we didn't.